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How To Keep A Healthy Level Of
Insanity
(While Driving The People Around You Insane)
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e mail address is: xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
or
Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you
think."
10) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the
prophecy."
11) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level
lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like
it that way.
12) Don't use any punctuation
13) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
14) Ask people what sex they are.
15) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
16) Sing along at the opera.
17) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
18) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective
if your boss is the opposite gender.)
19) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell
them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me,
I'll be in the bathroom."
20) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
21) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.
22) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
23) Call the psychic hotline and just say "Guess".
24) Contact the NAACP and ask them if they accept donations payable by
confederate money.
25) When the money comes out of the ATM, Scream "I Won! I
won! 3rd time this week!!!"
26) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
27) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bothers
me, its the voices in your head that do".
28) Tell your children over dinner " Due to the
economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".
29) Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your
mother is here".
30) And the final way to annoy people . . . . . . .
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