Groaners, But Worth It
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"
8. PATIENT: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green ! Grass of Home.'"
DOC: "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
PATIENT: "Is it common?"
DOC: "It's Not Unusual . . "
(you need to born before 1960 for that one)
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I
was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at, either.
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because
he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find
any.
15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No bet, the steaks
are
too high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a very serious automobile accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!". The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I had to cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
21. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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